Letters
by T-TrainOrTurkeyT
Summary: Just an abstract idea. Letters are exchanged between Voldemort and Harry. May show some ooc and rated T for minor swearing. Hope you guys enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Letters**

Dear Harry Potter,

It has occurred to me lately that we rarely talk anymore. It is in my best interest to check up on my arch-nemesis seeing as how we could no longer be enemies if you were to be seriously hurt while staying with the muggle filth that is supposed to be your "family". After all, I do enjoy torturing a completely healthy person. It gives one more pleasure knowing that no one else has ever hurt the target. It's even more fun to try torturing you when you are completely helpless without your wand. You should try it sometime. Maybe someday soon, you would consider betraying that muggle-loving fool, Dumbledore.

When this thought came to me during a Death Eater meeting, I was suddenly struck with the urge to see your charming young face that fills with utter hatred every time you set eyes upon me. Ah, the amusement I find in one so young such as yourself is great beyond words. And while I was at it, I was bored with torturing Bella and Lucius so I thought I might drop in some time and perhaps we could have little duel (with me as the winner of course!). After thinking this through, I became bored again decided to try out a new hobby that I had recently read about – poetry! Here is a little something that I composed all by myself for you!

H is for headstrong, a stubborn opponent.

A is for awkward, young and full of life.

R is for royal, a major pain.

R is for riled, you often are.

Y is for yellow, refusing to die.

Well, there it goes. Not bad for a first attempt and an evil dark lord that wants to rule the universe, eh? Anyway, I really want to hear from you. It's been a while and I do believe we're due to have a battle and torture session real soon. I hope you will consider joining the dark side seeing as how it really is the only way for you to keep your miserable life. Send your reply back by owl of course. I cannot be bothered with the petty muggle contraptions of the post office thingy.

Wishing you the greatest ill and wanting to torture you again,

The Dark Lord,  
Voldemort

Dear Tom,

Ha ha! Your letter was so funny I forgot to laugh! And by the way, forget it! I would never join your side. I am not as corrupt as you are. And what do you take me for, and idiot? I am not willing to sacrifice my life by giving you permission to torture me to death. There is no way in hell that I would ever think about trying to torture someone. Well...I might consider torturing one of your death eaters but of course, they also deserve it. I am considerably glad that you have decided to confide in me.

I have some confiding of my own to do. Here goes! Voldemort! What were you thinking? We're in England yet your anagram is French! What kind've evil dark lord are you anyway? Flight of death? You may act all rough and tough on the outside, but on the inside you're nothing but a great big teddy bear. Warm and fuzzy and not very intimidating at all. Why, I bet you couldn't even kill a housefly! And by the way, I took the liberty of writing my own poem for you. Here it is.

V is for victory, I'm going to win.

O is for old, that's diffinately you.

L is for lazy, your followers do the work.

D is for dead, I wish you were.

E is for epiphany, you should have one.

M is for morbid, you torture too much.

O is for ornery, take a chill pill.

R is for rusty, can't you die?

T is for Tom, the name you can't escape.

Well Voldemort, it appears that you are not the only poet in London. I will sum this up now. I have to kill you and I wish you lots of ill. Once again, I'd like to remind you that I will never join you in your quest for world domination. I have just one favor to ask of you. Please come and kill the rest of my family for me. The Dursley's are the biggest bunch of muggle filth that I have ever had the unpleasantness of meeting and wish I had never been born in their "family". Anyway, I still want you dead.

The Chosen One,  
Harry Potter


	2. Chapter 2

**Letters 2**

Dear Potter,

Avada Kadavra! Avada Kadavra! Avada Kadavra! Die! Why can't you just die and leave me alone? What did I ever do to deserve this? Oh look what you've gone and done now. I'm crying and I can't stop. Curse you! I know. Crucio! Ha ha! Who's laughing now? Bet you don't think I'm so gentle now huh?

By the way, Potter, I thought I'd do well to mention that I am sending Bella, Lucius, Avery, Nott, Crabbe, Goyle, and Severus to your pitiful home in Private Dr. They are coming to collect you for me and you will be brought here where I will give you two options and two options only. You will either fight along side me or you will fight along side me. Did I mention that I will be training you myself and that you will also be fighting along side me?

Muahahahaha! I am so evil! Evil, evil, I'm so evil. No one dares to defy me. Man, now I'm in a happy mood and feel like singing. Maybe I'll have to bless you with a song when I at last have you in my clutches. But for now, I must go. Wormtail just melted a couldren and Severus won't be too pleased when he gets back.

Still wanting to see your mangled body cold and limp,

The Dark Lord,  
Voldemort

P.S. You really need to practise occlumency. Your mind is an open book to me, and I don't feel like reading your mind every night. It really gets quite frustrating and we both know that that results in your scar hurting. On second thought, I like reading your mind. Ignore everything I just said! Obliviate! Crucio! Avada Kadavra! Die damn it!

**

* * *

**

Dear Baldy,

Get a life! You're ugly and I hate you! You have no hair, you're old, your skin is composed of scales, and you look like a snake. Oh yeah! Any you also smell like one too! Love to continue writing but I've got company to prepare for. I shall enjoy causing havoc for your death eaters.

I still like irritating you,

Potter-boy


	3. Chapter 3

**Letters**

**A/N:** Hey guys! Thanks so much for all the reviews. I didn't intend on writing more but I got so many reviews that I just had to rack my brains and come up with at least one more chapter. It's probably not as good as the last two but here goes anyway. Let me know how you liked it and if I should try to write more. Thanks again for all the reviews and now, the moment you've all been waiting for, on to the story!

Chapter 3

Dear Potter:

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! How could one little boy cause my faithful death eaters so much grief? You do know that your power level is amazing right? Say…here's an idea! Why don't you join me and you could put that power to good use? You could take my mark and we could be, like – you know – friends! I wouldn't have to curse you anymore. On second thought…Crucio! Hahaha! Cursing you is fun!

So anyway… on with my ranting and raving. Die, Potter! Die! I can't believe that you thwarted my plans yet again. Why can't you be a good boy and respect your elders? See? I may be old but they _do_ say that with age comes great wisdom. Age has its privileges.

Oh! Here's something else I just thought of. I am not ugly! (Or at least Nagini doesn't think so!) And I don't smell as bad as a snake - not that I've ever been able to tell… Great! Now I'm paranoid. Lucius! Do I smell like a snake? Ha! Lucius just said that I don't smell like a snake. I'd love to argue the point with you but I have some more planning to do. Revenge is sweet!

Well, I still want you dead but you already know that, I imagine.

Your Enemy,  
Lord Voldemort

* * *

Dear Riddle:

Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort! You're even dumber than I give you credit for! Of course you can't tell that you smell like a snake! You don't have a nose or even nostrils for that matter! And do you really think that Lucius would tell you if you stunk or not? I mean, come on! He's probably too scared to admit that you stink. You'd curse him into next year if he did. He'd be lucky if you didn't just decide to finish him off. But that doesn't change matters. You STINK!!!

Yes, I realize that there is the saying "With age comes great Wisdom" but you aren't all that wise when you stop to think about it. You made horcruxes that were way too obvious to find! You believe what your Death Eaters say when they tell you what you want to hear. If they told you that they had finally managed to do me in, you'd believe them! You are so gullible! You're so gullible, it's funny. Hehehehehehehe! Great! Now you got me giggling. Oh Voldemort! What'll I ever do with you? Oh! Here's an idea! I could kill you and get it over and done with and then neither of us would have to suffer anymore.

Well, I have to go and do the dishes and mow the lawn now. Otherwise, the Dursleys may ruin all your fun.

Annoying Pest,  
Harry James Potter

* * *

**A/N:** Well, here it is. Possible the last chapter of this story. It's getting difficult to keep the letters going. Any ideas would be much appreciated. I hoped you guys liked it! Review and let me know.

Bye for now!  
TuxedoKamenLuver


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Dear Boy-Who-Is-Too-Stubborn-To-Die:

Why must you continue to antagonize me? Although, you do bring up a good point. My faithful followers would never admit that I smell like a snake for fear of my wrath. And what's with this doing the dishes and mowing the lawn anyway? You're a wizard for crying-out-loud! You know, you are the only one who has ever been remotely honest with me. I would thank you but for the fact that I want you dead!

Harry, Harry, Harry! I still can't understand why you would want me to die. Why can't you just join me and help cleanse the world of those unfit to live? Sure, so you have the power to vanquish me! Who gives a hoot? That just means that you're more powerful than I ever thought possible, what for being a half-blood.

Here's a thought. Why don't you tell me the rest of the prophecy and we'll see what we can make of it? Come now Harry, be a good boy, and master might give you a treat! Why won't you come to me? I'm only trying to do the world a favour. If you won't obey me, then I'll curse you!

Crucio!

Impedimenta!

Aquamenti!

Furnunculus!

Serpensortia!

Imperio! (Oh damn, that doesn't work! I forgot!)

Crucio!

Die Damn it! Oh I hate you. Now I'm crying again. Gosh! I thought the unforeseen power that I knew not of was love. Now I'm wondering if it wasn't the ability to make one go mad and crazy enough to be locked up in the Asylum. Oh wait, that's for muggles. I meant the permanent residence ward in St. Mungo's.

Anyway, wishing you all the best,

Voldemort

P.S. If I always wished you harm, you'd never survive another day to duel with me!

* * *

To The-Dark-Lord-Who-Doesn't-Seem-To-Know-When-To-GIVE-UP!

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…

Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…

And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…

And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives...

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies…"

OK. So now you understand why I must kill you. I also agree with you on your theory of my power that you overlooked. I mean, come on… I am a Potter after all! Now to tantalize you some more.

Voldemort! You have really got to stop trying to curse me through pen and paper! It just ain't gonna work. And I don't feel like dying anyway. Oh yeah, I'm glad you realized that imperio wouldn't work but if only you were smart enough to realize that serpensortia wouldn't work either! I have four words for you bub.

I. Speak. Parsletongue.

Well, I guess that's really only three but I'm still smarter than you! Haha! I foiled your plans again.

Anywho, I'm not yet of age, otherwise I'd curse the Dursleys into next year. So I guess I'd better go and do those ridiculous chores that they have set upon me.

I'll never be yours,

Boy-Who-Is-Too-Stubborn-To-Die

P.S. If you haven't noticed by now, you're also half-blood. That means you want to kill yourself as well. Isn't that your dream? To rid the world of muggles, muggle-borns, and half-bloods? Oh well, I can satiate that death wish for you! Tah-tah for now!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dear Scar-head,

You have got to be the meanest person I know! How could you just up and say that I should die? I mean, honestly, I'm the only half-blood aloud to survive, obviously! Besides, who needs to know that I'm only half-blood? I can be pure-blooded if I want to. I denounced my muggle-filth of a father long ago. Who needs him? I'll just pretend and then no one else will find out. Who's going to contradict me anyway? I'm a dark lord!

So anyway… I can't believe you actually told me the prophecy! Are you really that dumb or are you just stupid? I mean, 'neither can live while the other survives?' What's with that? I guess that means that I must kill you. Or you know, you could just join me and then we can both live because with me, you won't be trying to survive. You'd have it all! I'd have an heir and you wouldn't be trying to survive with the so-called family you have with the Dursleys.

Anyway, I really think you should consider my offer. I await your owl.

Lord Voldemort

* * *

Dear Lord Voldemort, 

I know you are but what am I? Hahaha! That was in regards to your comment about me being stupid. But anyways, I guess I'll get down to business.

I don't care if I live with the Dursleys. They aren't as bad as you think. They could be better but at least I have a roof over my head. And as I've told you time and time again – No!!! – I will not join with you even if it meant you'd stop killing, wear a tutu and start up ballet classes for house elves. Well, I have to go now. People to save, homework to do, teachers to annoy…

So many things to do, so little time. Anyway, your dieing day will soon be upon you. Good-bye Voldemort, or should I say, Tom!

Savior of the Wizarding World,

Harry James Potter, esquire

P.S. If you can dub yourself lord, why can't I be an esquire?

P.P.S. Dumbledore has found a way to take my power of annoyance and put it into a curse form. When you drop this letter will have 24 hours of being annoyed to death (just the feeling of it though!) and then you will drop dead after. There is no cure so there's no point in searching for one. As you drop this paper, I say good-bye to my best rival. Good-bye!

* * *

And that my friends, is how Voldemort and Harry Potter battled and ended the war! 


End file.
